Connoisseur Of Puns Pillows

"When I said contact a FOCUS group..."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It's a play on words."

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

"My favourite movie is Mrs Fire, without doubt."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

I was starting a new chapter in my life and I tripped over a footnote.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

No, that's "Virginia Wolf" with one "o."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'And in conclusion...'

A Semicolon.

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

"Oh, it's not just the sign. Everything here is set in Comic Sans."

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

'What do you mean I used to be cute?'

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

'You give me goose bumps!'

'Yes, of course they're prints.'

Persian

Weather forecast

Spiv

Hell's Schlegel

The static electric eel is very rare.