Lover Of Puns Pillows

Some say this glass is half empty. Others say the glass is half full. . . If you're Irish you say. . . are you going to finish that?

'You know what I'm looking forward to? -- hindsight.'

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'When are you going to clean out this closet?'

"We've gotta move on, I can't digest this stuff!"

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

"I'll have what he's having."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

"We're a pecking order."

'I asked for a book on self-sufficiency and he told me to get it myself.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"I think we should call for backup!"

"Well, of course I suffer from piles! I don't enjoy 'em!"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'

"Don't mind me..."

'Ah, you must be the paper boy!'

'What type of line are you using?'

'Where does it hurt'

"Were you even listening to me?"

"Going up anybody?"

Philosophy class door is next to window: 'Lost and Profound'

'Come now, sir. This can't be all the wages of sin.'

'Daphne, don't you love me anymore? You're so... cold!'

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

Kama Sutra Bank,'Most of the positions are closed.'

"Tough neighbourhood!"

Caution - Student Driver.

'At least he's happy to work for Peanuts.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It's amazing – All my autopsy scars have completely disappeared!"

Fair Play.

"Valentine's Day has been good to me, but I had to diversify."