Lover Of Puns Pillows

Some say this glass is half empty. Others say the glass is half full. . . If you're Irish you say. . . are you going to finish that?

'You know what I'm looking forward to? -- hindsight.'

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'When are you going to clean out this closet?'

"We've gotta move on, I can't digest this stuff!"

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

"I'll have what he's having."

With Gas Prices Out of Sight, Santa Uses an Alternative Fuel Source.

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

'I asked for a book on self-sufficiency and he told me to get it myself.'

"We're a pecking order."

'I've been having a lot of out of potty experiences, lately.'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'

"Don't mind me..."

'Ah, you must be the paper boy!'

"Well, of course I suffer from piles! I don't enjoy 'em!"

"Were you even listening to me?"

'What type of line are you using?'

"I think we should call for backup!"

'Where does it hurt'

"Going up anybody?"

Philosophy class door is next to window: 'Lost and Profound'

'Daphne, don't you love me anymore? You're so... cold!'

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

Kama Sutra Bank,'Most of the positions are closed.'

'Come now, sir. This can't be all the wages of sin.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

Fair Play.

"It's amazing – All my autopsy scars have completely disappeared!"

"Tough neighbourhood!"