Literary Pun Enthusiast Pillows

'Recommended reading' selection of books e.g.'Team spirit, by Geoffrey Boycott'

When I suggested you adopt a pen name, I didn't mean 'ball point'!

"We've been remaindered!"

Novelties: It was the best of ties, it was the worst of ties.

Hell's Schlegel

"If this is the rye you must be Katya."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

"Think about the honey."

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'And in conclusion...'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

Hotness

Literate Dogs.

"Do you have any marriage bread?"

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

Larry's Literary Market.

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

Weather forecast

'You give me goose bumps!'

The static electric eel is very rare.

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'