Fan Of Puns Pillows

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

"I suck!"

I was bitten by a radioactive bedbug – My superpower is getting a solid eight hours of sleep every night. Wow. So lucky.

Two Neanderthals standing in front of a store, 'Walking Shoes ‘R Us,' which is having a 'Fire Sale.' One asks, 'What's fire?' The other asks, 'What's walking?'

Weather forecast

"OMG! Talk about fifty shades of grey!"

Tiger out of Woods

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

"Think about the honey."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

I was starting a new chapter in my life and I tripped over a footnote.

No, that's "Virginia Wolf" with one "o."

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

'And in conclusion...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

Literate Dogs.

Hotness

"This must be for charging bigger vehicles."

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

It's not a stampede … It's a flash mob!

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

The static electric eel is very rare.

Larry's Literary Market.

Hell's Schlegel