Fans Of Puns Pillows

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

Disorienteering

"Your four-o'clock is here."

Well, @#^*, I put the wrong net in my GPS.

It's not a stampede … It's a flash mob!

'Alright alright, I was joking: I won't deliver you to a couple of mongooses...'

"And this is Paul - he's in charge of our TikToks..."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

No, that's "Virginia Wolf" with one "o."

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

I was starting a new chapter in my life and I tripped over a footnote.

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'And in conclusion...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

Weather forecast

The static electric eel is very rare.

'You give me goose bumps!'

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

Hell's Schlegel

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'

I'm starting to think you keep working on that thing just to avoid talking to me.