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'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

Disorienteering

"Your four-o'clock is here."

'Alright alright, I was joking: I won't deliver you to a couple of mongooses...'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'And in conclusion...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

Weather forecast

'You give me goose bumps!'

Hell's Schlegel

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

The static electric eel is very rare.

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'

'It's as I feared: you have got a novel in you.'

"Are you a blowfish, or did you just hold a sneeze?"

Pavement artist.

"Ugh...I hate tailgators."

"Being a 'fly on the wall' is way overrated."