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"They found Charlotte's web site."

"The Count of Monte Crisco"

The Hatchback of Notre Dame

Books - "I hear her kids run riot in this one."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

"Think about the honey."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

No, that's "Virginia Wolf" with one "o."

I was starting a new chapter in my life and I tripped over a footnote.

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

Hotness

Literate Dogs.

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

It's not a stampede … It's a flash mob!

Hell's Schlegel

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

The static electric eel is very rare.

Weather forecast

"Your four-o'clock is here."

'You give me goose bumps!'

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

Larry's Literary Market.