Connoisseur Of Puns T-Shirts

"When I said contact a FOCUS group..."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It's a play on words."

"My favourite movie is Mrs Fire, without doubt."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'And in conclusion...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

A Semicolon.

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

"Oh, it's not just the sign. Everything here is set in Comic Sans."

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

'You give me goose bumps!'

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

Spiv

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

Weather forecast

The static electric eel is very rare.

Persian

Hell's Schlegel

'Yes, of course they're prints.'

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'