Clever Pun Enthusiast T-Shirts

'We're sending Barb's grandson a birthday card for his 11th. . . should we put eleven dollars in the card?'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

"I have no thumbs."

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

"Think about the honey."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

I was starting a new chapter in my life and I tripped over a footnote.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

'It's only four acres but we're glad we bought it - he's always wanted to be an expert in his own field.'

No, that's "Virginia Wolf" with one "o."

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

Museum of Mediocre Art.

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

'You give me goose bumps!'

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

Hell's Schlegel

The static electric eel is very rare.

Weather forecast

'Yes, of course they're prints.'

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'