Parenting Pun Lover Pillows

"He has extremely advanced motor skills."

'You can really hold your drink.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

"Think about the honey."

Mom dwarves.

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

"You've passed with extinction!"

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

A Brain Drain

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

'What are you in for?'

'And in conclusion...'

A Mom's Purse

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'