Fatherhood Humor Pillows

'I'm banking on celebrating Father's Day this year!'

'Make it easy on yourself, Dad- Just lend me your ATM card.'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

Trick or Tweet

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

'Now listen: The big hairy ones are the hunters, while the smaller ones with long hair are the gatherers...'

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"She's a natural!"

"That's it young man. . . go to your room!"

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with a prostate!'

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

Billy strip: help with homework.

'Dad, how come we never see and of them in flight?'

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

"It was a difficult delivery."

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"I didn't think you'd still be here at thirty."

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

Aliens from the planet of the yellow snow. 'Don't eat the white snow.'

Playing in the park....child on a leash.

"I love to hear the pitter-patter-patter...patter of his tiny feet."

'My daddy thinks you're really funny. He's always telling mommy about the clown he works for!'

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

'You've kept your shoes and socks on. I washed my feet yesterday.'

I know you do your mating dance just to embarrass the kids.