Fatherly Humor Pillows

'Punish us if you must, Dad, but who will you get to tie your shoe laces for you?'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

Camel rider sees sign stating: The Next Mirage 16 miles.

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

Official Team Cap With Beard

'Now listen: The big hairy ones are the hunters, while the smaller ones with long hair are the gatherers...'

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

'Dad, how come we never see and of them in flight?'

'The brown one that smells like an old man.'

"Have you seen my wife?"

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

'He was a great player...he gained 'many cap's' for his Country !'

'....How many babies are you going to have, mommy?"

'It seems like only yesterday, you were just a slimy little maggot.'

Children Who Have Given Up Soap For Lent

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

Nope, not how you change her diaper.

"Trust your instinct and soar! Is that all the advice you could give me for my first flight Dad?"

'I'm banking on celebrating Father's Day this year!'

"As weed-whackers go, it's a little quiet for my taste."

"My daddy has a broken leg, so I need to mark his territory for him..."

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"Oh come on Dad, you know I'm not VAT registered. Just give me my pocket money!"

Men Parenting

'Make it easy on yourself, Dad- Just lend me your ATM card.'

'I see the kids have 'broken-up' for the school holidays!'

'Want to watch the Father-Son talk greatest hits?'

". . .Get back in there and mess up your room properly!"

Our poor daughter doesn't have a prom date. Mo-om! I'm going with a group, of friends. No one "dates." Then I don't need a shotgun? Da-ad! I'll never get a boyfriend! Good. I heard that.

"No, son, a tax shelter is not where you go to rescue an accountant."

"Dad's got an imaginary friend too, he's called Techincal support"

"They said we might notice some changes a week before she went into labor...."