Fatherhood Humour Fanatic Pillows

". . .Get back in there and mess up your room properly!"

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

'Now listen: The big hairy ones are the hunters, while the smaller ones with long hair are the gatherers...'

'Dad, how come we never see and of them in flight?'

Time for sports camp, Teddy. Let's go! Unghhh � I thought you hated all the sports craziness. Summer camps avoid the worst problems. I forget. Parent's aren't allowed. Heaven on earth.

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

'Fathers Day.'

'It never fails. Two pizzas exhaust Dad as much as a 10 mile run exhausts me.'

'He was a great player...he gained 'many cap's' for his Country !'

Add your kids' ages together...

Baby Shower

'It seems like only yesterday, you were just a slimy little maggot.'

'Here's your choice. Grounded for a week or a walk around the Mall with me while I wear this.'

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

"I think our daughter got her brains from me."

'I'm begging you, please don't let me go!'

"Dad, if Mom ever has a boyfriend, I hope he's just like you."

Fathers Saluting Each Other.

'A rocking horse? Boy! What will they think of next?!'

Nope, not how you change her diaper.

"Well ok....but in your case I'll need DNA proof!"

'Fine thanks, and how are things with you?'

'I'm afraid the legislation only covers one partner.'

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"My daddy has a broken leg, so I need to mark his territory for him..."

'With a boss, a wife and three teenaged kids, I haven't had much time to worry about international affairs.'

'I'm banking on celebrating Father's Day this year!'

Men Parenting

'Settle down now and Daddy will take you for a nice ride.'

"Oh come on Dad, you know I'm not VAT registered. Just give me my pocket money!"

"Boss... I need to take a few months off for paternity leave."

'Can you fix it, Daddy?'

"I told you, always support the baby's head!"

'Make it easy on yourself, Dad- Just lend me your ATM card.'