Funny Fatherhood Moments Pillows

"Sorry I'm late, dad! Which number?"

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

How witness protection really works...

"Two boys from legal to see you."

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

'Daddy yells, 'I GOT IT I GOT IT' You should have seen how high the ball bounced off Daddy's head'

Baby gets blame for father letting off a fart.

'...you'd better get yourself a good lawyer!'

'Are you sure you didn't swallow your cell phone? I keep getting a dial tone.'

They Removed my Brain.

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

'Golf is Life (his).'

'It never fails. Two pizzas exhaust Dad as much as a 10 mile run exhausts me.'

'The baby cut a tooth today.'

Father's Day

'Let's hit the road, son! We are Baby Bjorn to be wild!'

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

"Show Daddy what you learnt at Kung fu"

"Look. He's just created his first text output object."

Mix up on the maternity ward.

'I'm a house-husband.'

"It's too hot to strive for autonomy."

"My dad and I are trading important life skills. He's teaching me how to change the oil in the car."

'I'm banking on celebrating Father's Day this year!'

"My daddy has a broken leg, so I need to mark his territory for him..."

Thanks to Floss-A-Cuffs, parents can be certain that their kids will maintain proper oral hygiene.

"Here's 15 cents. I assume you'll go into debt one day putting me through college, so this will take some of the guilt off my conscience."

"Daddy has to clear his head for a few minutes before he can deal with 'Babar'."

Men Parenting

". . .Get back in there and mess up your room properly!"

'Make it easy on yourself, Dad- Just lend me your ATM card.'

"Listen, kid...I'm doing you a favor... Don't call here again for at least another 10 years."