Marital Humor Enthusiasts Pillows

'Be honest with me, Louis. Are you seeing someone else?'

'In lieu of sentencing, my client has agreed to be lectured by his wife.'

"Oh, that's just the pedestal your father used to put me on."

"This personal lubricant has an expiration date of 2025 - just saying."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

His and Hers Wedding

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

"No heroic measures."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'I told you he had a temper.'

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"You're only as old as you feel, right, honey? And today, I feel like being 24!"

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."