Light-hearted Lovers Pillows

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

Get crazy once in a while

"FREEDOM!!!"

CFL bulb and ice cream cone fall in love

"Why, Mr. Conly, I do believe you're trying to get me hydrated."

"It took the better part of seventeen years, but you finally get me."

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

Preachers with far too much input

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

"Hemorrhoids. Any other questions?!"

'Does that mean my reflexes are GOOD then, doctor?'

'I know you got nine lives, but do you have to eat for all of them?'

Giving thanks.

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

'Yes, some mornings I do wake up grumpy - but only if he's oversleeping'

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

Golf ball escaping.

"Mother said she started toward the light but she's so bad with directions that she made a couple wrong turns and had to turn back."

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'

"Call me!"

' That's the first time we've had fireworks in the bedroom! '

"Don't eat so fast"

"Wrong hole!"

"Wait - leave it on."

'...Oh, and I bought some new smalls in town...'

'If I may paraphrase Dr. Martin Luther King, I have a dream that one day I will not be judged by the color of my money, but by the content of my pants.'

'How about giving me your phone number?. . . But I don't know your name.'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

"...Just checking there's no spotty gwobbly bogeymen under the bed."