Literary Lighthearted Pillows

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

Get crazy once in a while

Push for Disco...

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

Going Down?

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'Do you come here often?'

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

"Wanna go out?"

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

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"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

The Invention of the Tea Light

"I guess what I miss most is being drunk."

Carpet cleaning

Giving thanks.

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

'My husband's lost his sex drive.'

"These dang-blasted gofer holes are a real nuisance, Zeke!"

'Take it for stress. It helps to laugh at yourself.'

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you how long it's been since he had a bowel movement."

Golf ball escaping.

"I'm afraid I'm kind of a klutz."

'Let me put it this way...don't start watching any miniseries on TV.'

Police Lineup

" When you're done fooling around with those lights, come and eat your dinner, it's getting cold!"

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'

'Yeah, you're probably right: She's not worth fighting over... Wanna do Heads or Tails?'

'When I get the clumsies, switch me to a sippy-cup.'

Great gift ideas for the older man.

I've got half a mind to get one.