Literary Lighthearted Gifts

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

Get crazy once in a while

Push for Disco...

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

Going Down?

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'Do you come here often?'

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"Wanna go out?"

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"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

The Invention of the Tea Light

"I guess what I miss most is being drunk."

Carpet cleaning

Giving thanks.

'My husband's lost his sex drive.'

Golf ball escaping.

"These dang-blasted gofer holes are a real nuisance, Zeke!"

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

'Take it for stress. It helps to laugh at yourself.'

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you how long it's been since he had a bowel movement."

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"I'm afraid I'm kind of a klutz."

'Let me put it this way...don't start watching any miniseries on TV.'

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'

" When you're done fooling around with those lights, come and eat your dinner, it's getting cold!"

Police Lineup

'When I get the clumsies, switch me to a sippy-cup.'

Great gift ideas for the older man.

'When you get closed down I'd be willing to take any dirty books off your hands.'

'Yeah, you're probably right: She's not worth fighting over... Wanna do Heads or Tails?'