Reading Lighthearted Stories Pillows

Police Lineup

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Push for Disco...

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

'How was your luck, dear?'

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

"It's a book about how to ask for a raise, '50 shades of Pay'."

What a success story! It says this guy was in prison and now owns a corporation! Ah, he went from pen to inc.

"I guess what I miss most is being drunk."

As the Dryer Spins

"I'm afraid I'm kind of a klutz."

"These dang-blasted gofer holes are a real nuisance, Zeke!"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you how long it's been since he had a bowel movement."

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

'My husband's lost his sex drive.'

"Mother said she started toward the light but she's so bad with directions that she made a couple wrong turns and had to turn back."

'When you get closed down I'd be willing to take any dirty books off your hands.'

I've got half a mind to get one.

'Yeah, you're probably right: She's not worth fighting over... Wanna do Heads or Tails?'

"The doctor is a little squeamish, so don't mention anything gross."

"Call me!"

"Don't eat so fast"

"Well, he can't have gone far. He knows he's not allowed to go up the stairs."

'The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit...Amen.'

'I thought you might like to know that your butt just burned out.'

Woman Dancing.

"Hmmm...this old guy claims he found this crooked sixpence on a crooked stile while walking a crooked mile. He has a crooked cat, a crooked mouse, and they're all living in this little crooked house! Sergeant, I think we've found our crooked man!"

"Hon, it's been more that four hours. Shouldn't we call the doctor?"

'I just dreamt that I was the world, kung fu champion!'