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Police Lineup

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Push for Disco...

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

'How was your luck, dear?'

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

"It's a book about how to ask for a raise, '50 shades of Pay'."

"I guess what I miss most is being drunk."

As the Dryer Spins

"These dang-blasted gofer holes are a real nuisance, Zeke!"

'My husband's lost his sex drive.'

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you how long it's been since he had a bowel movement."

"I'm afraid I'm kind of a klutz."

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"Mother said she started toward the light but she's so bad with directions that she made a couple wrong turns and had to turn back."

"The doctor is a little squeamish, so don't mention anything gross."

I've got half a mind to get one.

'When you get closed down I'd be willing to take any dirty books off your hands.'

"Call me!"

"Don't eat so fast"

'Yeah, you're probably right: She's not worth fighting over... Wanna do Heads or Tails?'

"Well, he can't have gone far. He knows he's not allowed to go up the stairs."

'I thought you might like to know that your butt just burned out.'

"Hon, it's been more that four hours. Shouldn't we call the doctor?"

Woman Dancing.

'I just dreamt that I was the world, kung fu champion!'

The Joy of Six