Lover Of Humorous Tales T-Shirts

'I just dreamt that I was the world, kung fu champion!'

'How was your luck, dear?'

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

"Care for an oxymoron?"

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."

Golf escape.

'You will write a book, but it won't be on Oprah's recommended list.'

Gloria's life had been uneventful - until her 40th birthday, when her arms changed into swans.

'I told him that's where we keep the keys to his ride.'

"It's the super - he says a lot of short American fiction has been clogging the pipes in the basement."

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

'Personally, I think your idea of writing nursery rhymes is dumb, Mother.'

"The only way to create a sensation as an essayist these days is to write something mean bout cats."

Ian Fleming

'What are you implying?'

The Old Man and the Noodle.

"You must be the demolition team."

'....and how big was this bee, Sir?'

"I wrote it, dear...the Great American Password."

New chess piece: Cat - It can go wherever it wants, or not go anywhere at all.

Sincerely Machiavelli.

"I say 'Au Revoir', Charles, because I'm moving in with a Frenchman."

Meeting Melanie's parents suddenly turns awkward.

"Yes, I'm the good fairy but I can grant only one wish instead of three. Budget cuts, you know?"

'However, the jurors unanimously agreed that Blogojevich is the politician with the best hair!'

"I don't know about turning, but I was tossing all night."

"It's nice, but I fell in love with a caterpillar."

'I knew it! Come back here!'

"This one allows release of your information to a sitcom."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

Bestsellers/Memoirs (sort of).

'Baskerville, that's right: The Hound killed by Sherlock Holmes was one of my ancestors...'

"I mean - how big can this Goliath guy be?"

"It's not a very good simile but you'll be like an evening spread out against the sky."

'We'll need to arrange your death just before the book launch'