Light-hearted Reads T-Shirts

"These dang-blasted gofer holes are a real nuisance, Zeke!"

Get crazy once in a while

Push for Disco...

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"FREEDOM!!!"

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

Preachers with far too much input

CFL bulb and ice cream cone fall in love

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

"Is the light bothering you?"

"Hemorrhoids. Any other questions?!"

"It's face painting Friday."

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

"Excuse me...is there a dressing room with a slimming mirror and soft light..."

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

Golf ball escaping.

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"I'm afraid I'm kind of a klutz."

Transporting helium balloons in mid air.

Police Lineup

" When you're done fooling around with those lights, come and eat your dinner, it's getting cold!"

"Mother said she started toward the light but she's so bad with directions that she made a couple wrong turns and had to turn back."

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obediance School instead...'

Man on desert island asks for a lighter rather than a rescue.

"Wrong hole!"

"Don't eat so fast"

'I wasn't walking, officer. I was jogging.'

"Call me!"