Light-heartedness Pillows

"This stool shall pass."

'Wait a minute - Shouldn't we flip a coin to see who goes first?'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

Get crazy once in a while

Push for Disco...

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

Siegfried and Roy - grand re-opening.

"FREEDOM!!!"

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

CFL bulb and ice cream cone fall in love

Preachers with far too much input

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

"Hemorrhoids. Any other questions?!"

'Does that mean my reflexes are GOOD then, doctor?'

The World Ends Today!: 'Never mind, dear- better luck tomorrow!'

"It's face painting Friday."

I say when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

'Don't feel too badly about your post, I used to work for the News of the World.'

"These dang-blasted gofer holes are a real nuisance, Zeke!"

Why as a general rule Pastors are not allowed to help on building work days.

"Yes, Gramps, we agreed to follow 'until death do us part' with the caveat that we might be placed in separate wings of the assisted living facility."

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

"Your performance review will be done with the help of a co-host to lighten the mood a little."

Golf ball escaping.

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"I'm afraid I'm kind of a klutz."

Transporting helium balloons in mid air.

" When you're done fooling around with those lights, come and eat your dinner, it's getting cold!"