Laughing Through Doctor Visits Gifts

"And if you'll kindly relax your spinchter I'll be happy to write a prescription for that inflamed prostate."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

What goes up must come down, except for your cholesterol, apparently.

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

It was only Monday...but Dr Davies knew that it was going to be a long...long week...

"You have natural causes.''

'It's me, Jack Gurkenman! I'm your ophthalmologist with the broken left ankle, doctor!'

'Have you got any hip-op?'

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

Nurse about surgeon juggling organs: 'I think Dr. Haywood could really use a sabbatical.'

'I had a great time tonight. I'd like to see you again in about six months.'

Lactose Intolerant Cow.

Your numerous prescriptions really have improved my love life. I'm dating my pharmacist.

Your body initially rejected the new kidney, but after we pumped you full of liquor, your body found the new kidney kind of attractive. We'll see what happens in the morning, though.

"We still don't have a diagnosis for your rash, so we're going to run some more money on it and see what happens."

'Good news! That spot is B-9!'

Outingpatient

'...Or, in layman's terms, Ay caramba!'

With a hindsight exam result of 20/40, Harold hoped the new monocle would be less irritating than the last one.

Oh dear. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

"He's losing his will to pay!"

'I'm pretty sure that you have something that is difficult to pronounce.'

'The bad news is you had two diseases no one in history ever had together, The good news is they canceled each other out'

"Is the pain an animal, vegetable, or mineral?"

'This is his third operation in two years. I'm putting in a zipper.'

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

'You have a choice. An ultra-expensive medication that may cure you but has the side-effect of bankruptcy, OR a low-priced medication with a side-effect of a near-death experience.'

"Frank here used to teach high school physiology, so if you value your Zygomatic arch or your Alveolar margins, you'll start talking."

'Your hospital bill is $8437.00, plus $350.00 for not wearing clean underwear when you were brought in.'