Laughing Through Doctor Visits Pillows

"And if you'll kindly relax your spinchter I'll be happy to write a prescription for that inflamed prostate."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

It was only Monday...but Dr Davies knew that it was going to be a long...long week...

'It's me, Jack Gurkenman! I'm your ophthalmologist with the broken left ankle, doctor!'

"You have natural causes.''

'Have you got any hip-op?'

Nurse about surgeon juggling organs: 'I think Dr. Haywood could really use a sabbatical.'

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

Lactose Intolerant Cow.

'I had a great time tonight. I'd like to see you again in about six months.'

Your numerous prescriptions really have improved my love life. I'm dating my pharmacist.

"We still don't have a diagnosis for your rash, so we're going to run some more money on it and see what happens."

'...Or, in layman's terms, Ay caramba!'

Outingpatient

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

Oh dear. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.

"He's losing his will to pay!"

'The bad news is you had two diseases no one in history ever had together, The good news is they canceled each other out'

With a hindsight exam result of 20/40, Harold hoped the new monocle would be less irritating than the last one.

"Is the pain an animal, vegetable, or mineral?"

'I'm pretty sure that you have something that is difficult to pronounce.'

'This is his third operation in two years. I'm putting in a zipper.'

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

'You have a choice. An ultra-expensive medication that may cure you but has the side-effect of bankruptcy, OR a low-priced medication with a side-effect of a near-death experience.'

'Your hospital bill is $8437.00, plus $350.00 for not wearing clean underwear when you were brought in.'

"Frank here used to teach high school physiology, so if you value your Zygomatic arch or your Alveolar margins, you'll start talking."

"I don't understand. I gave up smoking two years ago."