Doctor's Office Humor Pillows

Outingpatient

'How long has it been since you gave up smoking?'

'I'm pretty sure that you have something that is difficult to pronounce.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

What goes up must come down, except for your cholesterol, apparently.

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

'House calls?...Dr. Latrobe doesn't even make phone calls!'

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

Spock visits the Orthopedics

'Perhaps we should start off with an underwear transplant.'

"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

'I have another doctor, but I like your magazines better.'

'I'm going to give you a mood altering drug. Then I'm going to give you my bill.'

'I advise you to change doctors.'

"Miss Bradley, would you bring in a Clean Bill of Health?"

'...Next place goes to the lady for 200 euros!'

"I don't understand. I gave up smoking two years ago."

Visual gag (a small microsurgeon's office).

'Is there ANY good news, Doctor?' 'Well, you don't need to worry about scraping by on a pension.'

'One last chance, minister, to re think your views on health care pay before nurse administers the pre-med'

"Your skin. Genuine Leather."

"I really like Dr. Jenkins, but he sure doesn't update his magazines very often."

"Give it to me straight, Doc. How long do I have to ignore your advice."

'It's a nasty little rash, nothing to worry about!'

"I had a fecal transplant, and my symptoms are gone. I want my $86,000 back.