Doctor's Office Humor Pillows

Outingpatient

'How long has it been since you gave up smoking?'

'I'm pretty sure that you have something that is difficult to pronounce.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

'House calls?...Dr. Latrobe doesn't even make phone calls!'

'Perhaps we should start off with an underwear transplant.'

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

"I don't understand. I gave up smoking two years ago."

'...Next place goes to the lady for 200 euros!'

'I advise you to change doctors.'

"Miss Bradley, would you bring in a Clean Bill of Health?"

'I'm going to give you a mood altering drug. Then I'm going to give you my bill.'

'I have another doctor, but I like your magazines better.'

Visual gag (a small microsurgeon's office).

'Is there ANY good news, Doctor?' 'Well, you don't need to worry about scraping by on a pension.'

"I really like Dr. Jenkins, but he sure doesn't update his magazines very often."

'One last chance, minister, to re think your views on health care pay before nurse administers the pre-med'

"Your skin. Genuine Leather."

"Give it to me straight, Doc. How long do I have to ignore your advice."

'It's a nasty little rash, nothing to worry about!'

'You can discuss sexual failure with me Mr Harmsworth, I'm trained not to laugh.'

"I had a fecal transplant, and my symptoms are gone. I want my $86,000 back.

Dr. Kessler will be with you shortly. Please water the plants and have a seat.