Doctor's Office Humor Fan Pillows

'I advise you to change doctors.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

"Well, you may not have the body of an athlete, but you certainly have the foot of one."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

"Here comes the super-visor."

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

'I've discovered you have feet of clay.'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."