Laughing Doctor Pillows

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

Medical Books - Lady Chatterley's Liver

'Hold it!'

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

Medical Cabinet

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

'The doctor will be right with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

Surgery Instructions.

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

'I had this two years ago.'

"It'll have to stay on until your vasectomy heals..."

The New Age Dentist.

What goes up must come down, except for your cholesterol, apparently.

A diuretic! Are you sure about this?

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"They used to call them G.P.s."

"All good: This egg looks healthy as well..."

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

'We've not met, but I'm your keyhole surgeon.'

Ah. I knew you were going to say that. You people are so predictable.

"I'm saying we lash out for the 'Deluxe' collagen treatment, next time, honey."

"We've determined that it sucks to be you."

'Three, two, one. Stand clear.'

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

Grand rounds vs. ground rounds.