Medic Seeking Laughs Pillows

'The target most GPs are looking for is one that gets rid of QOF targets.'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Surgery Instructions.

"You have ice water in your veins."

'I had this two years ago.'

"They used to call them G.P.s."

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

"We've determined that it sucks to be you."

' 'Peppermint thumb' is one of our toughest cases to cure.'

'It's me, Jack Gurkenman! I'm your ophthalmologist with the broken left ankle, doctor!'

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

Cracked Quacks Strip: Cosmetic surgeon mix up.

If I'm a hypochondriac, what does that make YOU?

Jugular Vein

'I had a great time tonight. I'd like to see you again in about six months.'

"And I suppost you've never had a friendly wager with a colleague?"

"These aspirin are for me. That patient in room 102 is a real pain!"

'And now, this warning from the Surgeon-General... THINK FAST!'

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'You wanted a second opinion?'

"Your intestinal flora looks good."

'Spin GP'

'If you're tired of only hearing good news or bad news, we're running a special on 'meh' news.'

"We found traces of conscience, fortunately we caught it early."

Oh dear. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.