Medic Seeking Laughs Gifts

'The target most GPs are looking for is one that gets rid of QOF targets.'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

"I'll be fielding any questions you may have and my assistant, Carol, will be googling the answer."

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Surgery Instructions.

"They used to call them G.P.s."

"You have ice water in your veins."

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

'I had this two years ago.'

"We've determined that it sucks to be you."

'It's me, Jack Gurkenman! I'm your ophthalmologist with the broken left ankle, doctor!'

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

' 'Peppermint thumb' is one of our toughest cases to cure.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

'I had a great time tonight. I'd like to see you again in about six months.'

Jugular Vein

"These aspirin are for me. That patient in room 102 is a real pain!"

Cracked Quacks Strip: Cosmetic surgeon mix up.

If I'm a hypochondriac, what does that make YOU?

"And I suppost you've never had a friendly wager with a colleague?"

'And now, this warning from the Surgeon-General... THINK FAST!'

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'You wanted a second opinion?'

"Your intestinal flora looks good."

'Spin GP'

"I checked in with a broken hip. The food poisoning came later."

"We found traces of conscience, fortunately we caught it early."