Health Comedy Collector Gifts

Field of Beans.

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

Turn your head and laugh.

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

M.D. You burned a hole in your stomach --- eat only bland foods from now on! No more spicy food?! It's a season-ending injury!

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

"There were some squiggly bits left over after the operation, so we gave you a doggie bag."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'Good lord, Mrs. Frost, how long has he been running a fever?!'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

Maintenance & Repairs. No wonder health care is so expensive, they told me to take to tablets every four hours.

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"It says here you've been experiencing peels of thunder�"

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."