Health Comedian Gifts

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"The sleeping pills take time to work. Don't expect results overnight."

'Not for me thanks, mate - I'm only a passive smoker.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Surgeon General's warning on junk food! Lighten up a little!'

'Your lab tests are back. Your cholesterol weight, and self importance are all too high.'

'If his chart dips down to 15 here, he'll start emitting a hellish, non-stop squeal.'

'You'll have to stop using artificial sweeteners... You have artificial diabetes.'

Coronavirus Epidemic

"I'm just messing with you."

Your cough IS unproductive, but I'm more concerned by your unmotivated sneezes, your apathetic earache, and your sniffles' overall lack of ambition.

'First time out together since the panic stations of you getting a chicken bone stuck in your throat!'

'Time for your One-a-Year vitamin supplement pill, dear.'

"I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?"

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Providing Healthcare For All

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."