Health Humorists Gifts

'Do I know about incontinence? No I never was good at Geography.'

'Would you like your arteries clogged here or to go?'

'That old 'diet and exercise scam' again!'

Do you have any idea what this is doing to my high blood pressure right now?"

Employees must wash hands.

'Are you telling me my symptoms don't match my internet diagnosis?'

"It's the only way I can get some of my paitents to listen to me."

Emergency services on a tread mill

'I quit the medication. It gave me lots of zippity, but took away my doo dah.'

"Look! A dying brain cell! Maybe we should help!...."

Guess your sperm count

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'... but the good news is, you don't need to stop smoking and drinking!'

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

It's not catching, is it? - The doctor hates to catch things.

'What's good for biting nails?'

'Doc, I don't want to lose my love handles! I've known them since they were born! I feed them! We call each other by our first names!'

You know you're middle aged...

"According to the chart, I'm the perfect weight for my height!"

Rhinovirus (Common Cold) vs Rhinovirus-M (Man Cold)

Don't worry, it's that same as with dogs --- A cold nose means you're healthy.

I'll have a pumpkin smoothie with the "Experimental Ebola Vaccine" boost. We don

"Do you suffer from SAD?"

'Looks like another rash of stock sell-offs.'

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

'When did the treadmill replace the rat race?'

"How can we be overweight? We eat like birds."

"It's not a bad company policy manual, but I'd draft some stronger limits on sick pay."

"You're looking fit."

"Early Bird, you need to go easy on the worms."

'Welcome to the exercise hotline. To start a very low impact exercise program, press #1250 times.'

"That's amazing! Didn't Mr. Perez used to walk all bent over? How'd you cure him?"

"SARS...mad cow...monkeypox...they've brought us all closer together."

Invasion of the Demonic Shape-Shifters!

"I didn't expect to see you again, Mr Sykes. The tablets worked then?"