Health Guru Humorist Gifts

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

"I'm gonna smoke 20 years worth of cigarettes in one go to save time..."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Do you guys serve beer?"

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Providing Healthcare For All

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"Gesundheit!"

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

My Dream Valentine

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

"You're on a low sodium diet so watch the salty talk."

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."