Health Advice Humorist Gifts

'Try this diet and if it works, I'll try it!'

I'll sleep better if I only drink one cup of coffee a day.

'You're fat. I'm putting you on a diet.'

"Stop watching ladies beach volleyball for a while."

"You're retaining water. Stop eating sponge cake."

"My doctor told me to get outdoors more, so now I put on more yard sales."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Providing Healthcare For All

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

"Gesundheit!"

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

My Dream Valentine

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

"You're on a low sodium diet so watch the salty talk."