Medical Humor Collector Pillows

'It's a genetic thing. My parents are too short for their weight, too.'

Elephant walking out of urologist office carrying 2 peanuts in jar.

'Angiogram.'

'You've only written a handful of sick notes since you started wearing that outfit, Doctor.'

Drunken Dis-orderly

You need a knee replacement -- We'll put in an actual spring in your step!

! ! ! ! Try not to think of it as an axe, Mr. Fusco. Think of it as a tongue depressor on steroids.

Surgeons getting drunk in the operating theater.

'You always have to overdo everything, don't you, Herb?'

Doctor consulting a textbook.

'I always thought Spencer was deliberate, meticulous, cautious and analytical....

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Primarily we tell people what they already had!"

"Oh that's Mr. Fernandez, your anaesthetist."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Ice Cream Surgeon

Lactose Intolerant

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

PSA Banter.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll