Surgical Pun Lover Prints

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'If you want a second opinion, come back tomorrow, and I'll tell you the same thing.'

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

"You're as sound as a dollar. I'll order more tests."

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

Obstetrics.

I heart bypass t-shirt.

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

'You tell me how to give them a fever, and I'll tell you how to make them cough.'

Hospital Cleaning.

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

"All these years I put my nose to the grindstone. Now I need a nose job!"

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

'I ordered an IV, not an ivy.'

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

Traffic Lights Medicine

'You're getting a stye.'

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

'Dont you hate it when there are parts left over.'

"Those giblets are gonna have to come out."

Plastic Surgery

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

"The biopsy came back benign.....but I still want you to see a tree surgeon."