Surgical Humor Lover Gifts

'Your plastic surgery went great...you look terrific!'

"Relax! He's in good hands!!"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

Current location

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

Pinocchio has a nose job.

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"Your husband's operation was successful and he can now freely move his arms and legs!...You might want to consider having this surgery yourself!"

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

Hospital Cleaning.

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

"I'm removing the liver.. No, the kidneys... Presure, pressure, what's that blobby thing?"

'Dont you hate it when there are parts left over.'

"Sorry Mr. Parkinson, but I've left some rubber gloves inside you. I need to open you up to retrieve them."

Bowtox.

"Open mike night"

Dentists who do appendectomies.

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

"The small neat scar was from the surgery. The long jagged scar is where I sneezed."

"Mr Brown. Are you in for a triple bypass or an ingrown toenail?"

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."

Sword rises, Excalibur like, from body of patient undergoing operation.

'Where did you say the new anaesthetist trained?'

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."