Loves Surgical Humor Gifts

'Perhaps I was a bit TOO graphic in explaining the surgical procedure.'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

Current location

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Well, the doctor said you have to wear it until you stop biting your stitches.

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

"Rolling pizza cutter."

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

Pinocchio has a nose job.

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

Plastic surgery is a scream.

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'Dont you hate it when there are parts left over.'

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

"Mr Brown. Are you in for a triple bypass or an ingrown toenail?"

Sword rises, Excalibur like, from body of patient undergoing operation.

"Relax! He's in good hands!!"

"The small neat scar was from the surgery. The long jagged scar is where I sneezed."

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

'I had a great time tonight. I'd like to see you again in about six months.'

"Sorry Mr. Parkinson, but I've left some rubber gloves inside you. I need to open you up to retrieve them."

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

"I have a complaint about my bill."

'The bad news is you had two diseases no one in history ever had together, The good news is they canceled each other out'

"Which is it today doctor, - Back, Beatles, or Backstreet Boys?"

Next! (liposuction specialist)

"Of course, with hindsight it was probably a mistake to perform my own facelift."

Surgeon using hover mower

"Surgeons. Too good to sort their recyclables?"

"He did it again. Slipped out and replaced himself with a bunch of lumpy pillows."

'I hate it when we operate on malpractice lawyers.'