Surgery Humorist Gifts

'I have a complaint about my bill.'

"Well I'm out of ideas, here, anyone else want to give this a stab?"

Pinocchio has a nose job.

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Current location

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"It was a botched surgery."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

Great Moments in Art History: 1898 Francis Barraud finds inspiration after having his dog spayed.

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"Did you get some work done?"

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'Sponge diving, Bob?'

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

'Nurse Wilhelm will be live-blogging the whole procedure.'

'Doc, check out screen 2 in ten minutes...we got the big game!'

'Golf War Syndrome.'

"Say, does anyone here know how to tie a sailor's knot?"

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

Casino plastic surgery...specializing poker faces.