Surgery Humorist Gifts

'I have a complaint about my bill.'

"Well I'm out of ideas, here, anyone else want to give this a stab?"

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

Pinocchio has a nose job.

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Current location

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"It was a botched surgery."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

Quick! 5-second rule!

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

Great Moments in Art History: 1898 Francis Barraud finds inspiration after having his dog spayed.

Plastic surgery is a scream.

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."

"Did you get some work done?"

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

'Sponge diving, Bob?'

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

'Golf War Syndrome.'

'Doc, check out screen 2 in ten minutes...we got the big game!'

Sword rises, Excalibur like, from body of patient undergoing operation.