Surgical Mishap Humorist Gifts

'Turn the camera off! Turn off the web cam!'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Current location

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"It was a botched surgery."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

Pinocchio has a nose job.

Great Moments in Art History: 1898 Francis Barraud finds inspiration after having his dog spayed.

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

Plastic surgery is a scream.

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

"Did you get some work done?"

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

'Breast implants? There must be some mistake. I have you down for knee surgery not breast implants!'

'Sponge diving, Bob?'

'Dont you hate it when there are parts left over.'

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"

Sword rises, Excalibur like, from body of patient undergoing operation.

Casino plastic surgery...specializing poker faces.

'Doc, check out screen 2 in ten minutes...we got the big game!'

'Golf War Syndrome.'

'Nurse Wilhelm will be live-blogging the whole procedure.'