Surgical Joke Lover Gifts

'Alright, which one of you is the patient?'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

Current location

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

Hypochondria Hospital

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

Quick! 5-second rule!

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

Pinocchio has a nose job.

Hospital Cleaning.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"Your husband's operation was successful and he can now freely move his arms and legs!...You might want to consider having this surgery yourself!"

I like a lot of witnesses around.

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

Tinnitus.

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

'Dont you hate it when there are parts left over.'

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."

Dentists who do appendectomies.

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

'I see that somebody grabbed the bull by the horns.'

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

Sword rises, Excalibur like, from body of patient undergoing operation.

'We may as well make use of you.'