Surgery Joke Lover Gifts

"The small neat scar was from the surgery. The long jagged scar is where I sneezed."

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Current location

Hypochondria Hospital

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

Quick! 5-second rule!

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

Pinocchio has a nose job.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

Hospital Cleaning.

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

"Your husband's operation was successful and he can now freely move his arms and legs!...You might want to consider having this surgery yourself!"

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

I like a lot of witnesses around.

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

Tinnitus.

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

Dentists who do appendectomies.

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

'Good grief. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.'

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

"While I'm not an internist...I'd say you coughed up your small intestines!"

'I see that somebody grabbed the bull by the horns.'