Surgery Joke Lover Pillows

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

Current location

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Hypochondria Hospital

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

Pinocchio has a nose job.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

I like a lot of witnesses around.

Hospital Cleaning.

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

Tinnitus.

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

'Good grief. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.'

'We may as well make use of you.'

"While I'm not an internist...I'd say you coughed up your small intestines!"

'I see that somebody grabbed the bull by the horns.'

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

"I'm afraid someone drank your sample."