Surgical Satire Fans Gifts

Exploratory Surgery: 'So that's where the nurse went!'

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over the over and over.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"Satisfaction, stat!"

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"It was a botched surgery."

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'The donor for your face transplant was a Mr. Bonzo.'

"If this isn't successful, the next one is on us."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

"Good?"

"Normally, applying heat would be the correct therapy, however..."

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

"Don't worry, I've performed this procedure hundreds of times."

"Your husband's operation was successful and he can now freely move his arms and legs!...You might want to consider having this surgery yourself!"

Hospital Cleaning.

'Another botched Snotox injection...'

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

"The I.R.S. can't hurt him anymore."

"Did you get some work done?"