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Exploratory Surgery: 'So that's where the nurse went!'

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over the over and over.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Satisfaction, stat!"

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

'The donor for your face transplant was a Mr. Bonzo.'

"If this isn't successful, the next one is on us."

"It was a botched surgery."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

"Good?"

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

"Normally, applying heat would be the correct therapy, however..."

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."

'I can't turn it off.'

Hospital Cleaning.

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

"The I.R.S. can't hurt him anymore."

"Did you get some work done?"

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

"Don't worry, I've performed this procedure hundreds of times."

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.