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'I hate it when we operate on malpractice lawyers.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Satisfaction, stat!"

Wait a minute…What operating system are you using?… Common techie question.

Current location

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

"If this isn't successful, the next one is on us."

'The donor for your face transplant was a Mr. Bonzo.'

The Uterus in the form of a Ewe

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

Pinocchio has a nose job.

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over the over and over.

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

"Good?"

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

'Mind that molar, careful of that canine...'

"You have the Hum bug.'

'I can't turn it off.'

"Wuhan virus, Ebola, West Nile, Asian Flu. . . what's wrong with good old American diseases?"

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"Don't worry, I've performed this procedure hundreds of times."

"The I.R.S. can't hurt him anymore."

'Another botched Snotox injection...'