Cosmetic Surgery Humor Gifts

'Look at her - flat broke soon to be flat rich!'

'I need my PPI money to pay for my PIP's.'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Current location

"It was a botched surgery."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

Pinocchio has a nose job.

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

"Rolling pizza cutter."

Plastic surgery is a scream.

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

"Did you get some work done?"

"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"Relax! He's in good hands!!"

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

"The small neat scar was from the surgery. The long jagged scar is where I sneezed."

Casino plastic surgery...specializing poker faces.

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

"Say, does anyone here know how to tie a sailor's knot?"

Sword rises, Excalibur like, from body of patient undergoing operation.

'Doc, check out screen 2 in ten minutes...we got the big game!'

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

"Of course, with hindsight it was probably a mistake to perform my own facelift."

Next! (liposuction specialist)

Surgeon using hover mower

"Pull my finger."

"He did it again. Slipped out and replaced himself with a bunch of lumpy pillows."

Elephant nose jobs

"Which is it today doctor, - Back, Beatles, or Backstreet Boys?"