Surgery Jokes Fan Prints

"I really wouldn't worry. The person performing your operation is one of the country's finest quilters."

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Satisfaction, stat!"

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

"If this isn't successful, the next one is on us."

'The donor for your face transplant was a Mr. Bonzo.'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

"It was a botched surgery."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

Pinocchio has a nose job.

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over the over and over.

"Good?"

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."

"Don't worry, I've performed this procedure hundreds of times."

"The I.R.S. can't hurt him anymore."

'I can't turn it off.'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"Did you get some work done?"

'I need to reset his internal clock...does anyone have the correct time?'

'Dont you hate it when there are parts left over.'

'Sponge diving, Bob?'