Supermarket Humorist Gifts

Zombie Supermarket

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

'The stuff legends are made of'

Seven deadly sins store

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

Eye of Newt Helper

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

Low income vampires.

Great moments in shopping

'Yes?'

Free Range / Deranged

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

That was 16 items.

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

"People take it more seriously than 'Please don't pinch the peaches'."

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

"If you want something firmer, I suggest you try our flooring department."

'He certainly knows how to make a customer feel welcome.'

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

Fresh milk - Self service

Woman in frozen food isle see a sign: TV Dinners over a case, the dinners are marked CABLE, Dish, Analog.

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

'Well isn't it ironic that we come all this way for fresh meat, and only stuff we find is deep-frozen?'

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).

“Ever thought of changing your name?”